Yukon Chatter Bug

Now that all is well with my 85 year-old grandmother, I can write about last week’s family emergency that came up. Dave and I were house-sitting out of town, but on Saturday he had to work. So, he came home, picked up a few things, and checked the telephone messages. There was a message from a family member, who shall remain nameless, and all I have to say is I’m glad the message was cushioned by Dave receiving it first, and then announcing it to me.

You see, when you have to tell someone what’s going on, a little word of advice: please start with the best news first. For example: “Just want to tell you that Grandma’s okay now, nothing to worry about, but there was a little incident on Friday.” Proceed to tell the story.

This, my friend, has the potential of averting another family emergency, that of another family member, more specifically me, from suffering heart failure. And credit to Dave, that’s what he did.

When I got home today, however, the original message was still on our machine (we couldn’t be reached by telephone), and this is what it said:

1. There was an incident with Grandma on Friday. – [Hair stands on back of neck]
2. I guess she passed out and Mom found her on the floor after getting out of the shower. – [Gasp...Heart races...Adrenalin rushes...Panic sets in]
3. She was rushed to hospital. [This is really serious. Please tell me she's still alive]
4. She was medevaced by helicopter to Sudbury [300km distance - OMG, No!]
5. Doctor says she needs a pacemaker or she may never come home. [Sighs with relief...okay...serious enough, but she's still alive...all along I thought the worse...silly me.]
6. Don’t try calling me, I’m on my way to Sudbury. [Still catching breath]
7. You can call Uncle D., he knows the details.
8. [And here's the clincher] Oh, by the way, don’t worry, she’s okay. She’s going to get her pacemaker, and then she’ll be as good as new. She’s fine. Really.

I’m not upset at all; I actually find this humourous. Not what happened to Grandma, of course, but how the person-who-shall-remain-nameless announced the news. Obviously, it wouldn’t have been so funny had I gotten to the message first. Once the heart starts to palpitate and the adrenaline starts to flow, it takes a lot to bring things back to normal.

If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her [person-who-shall-remain-nameless] dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child. ~Linda Sunshine

Person-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless (Back at ya!)